Saturday, August 28, 2010

Wild Goose Chase....

All that has led up to shortly before today, August 28 2010 (last two months or so), turns out
to have been a wild goose chase, more so than not. Looks like what's "out around" has mostly
been giving me the run-a-round. Nothing I've been going on about has materialized or is
expected to. The over-all view and what's been related to myself is the way things are seen.

What's been going on has been seen in the raised eyebrow of: paranoid, shizophrenic for the
most part. Earlier in 2010 came across - megalomaniac to describe recognized state of mind.
A few days ago - "confabulation", is another word useable to describe (false memories).

For sure, I do not see this as being "self-induced" anyhow. However, I do see it all as having
been induced from "out-around" somewhere and somehow (unknown).

The main reason that I am aware of for it is: whatever is out-around wanted to be able to get
at - things to do with one able to be in the first place. To alter/manipulate the state of anyone
being. To have you be, in their control. They appear to do this by being in foreign control of
ones' self. Instead of me there in myself, they are.

Considering the haplessness of one being able to manage for itself (every which way but loose):
it appears that the problems they are having to make good on their efforts, is at their end.
Seemingly, they can't get things worked out the way they want. Able to cater to themselves in
such way about stuff, to no wits end. From their unable to make good on their efforts, I will
see the light of day - afterwards. They want me to have it in for myself. Result-wise.

Prior to of real late here, I was thinking my "conscious" awareness was more in my favour.
Now, I think my "conscious" awareness of things, was not really of any use to me. Consciously,
I appear to be - out of the picture. They are simply "galavanting" all around to I'm nowhere.
They have it all over me to I am not anywhere. The conscious self, is more nullified than not.
Seems to be all them, failing to get what they want. Consciously, as I am, is how I be though.


Looks like they can't get the result that they want. Failing from at their end. Nothing to do with
anything between in my favour, otherwise.

They wanted to be - free and easy of - further ado. They failed to get it all worked out to
themselves so. No thanks to anything at the own end, up front. Underlying probably.
But not up front. They are in control more so than not. Prior to whatever the result be.

Consciously, is where I am and there is - how I will be. Prior to the "result", I am and so it
turns out, have been, completely out of the picture as a factor in it all.

Simply, I have been given the run-a-round. This lifetime appears to be a write-off. However,
the next lifetime is near at hand. Not yet started though. Is expected to be the outcome though.

Confabulated, false memories induced in me by them, appears to be the most likely explaina-
tion. Not really false memories BUT scenarios instead. They simply have me thinking, what
they want me to think. Caught up in - above and beyond - away from me in the now.

Whatever self-control of myself, that I've thought that I had, turns out to be an "illusion".
However, so I am is how I am. Presently, as is, is me.

What things are "really" going to be like - remains to be seen.

Of course, I have it all "somehow"(?).