Life In My Eyes.....

Possibly leaving this as ....the life and times of myself ...... written record somewhere.

This is all being written from looking back at the years of having been, which isn't final yet.(?)

According to myself (at least), there's a here and a not-here, as we live out our lives on Earth.

As far as the here goes, which is, present day world we live in > it's all been over-ridden by what goes on in the "not-here". Which over-rides our lives, as we are.

Currently I'm out of hand in myself (mindwise), which is the way it has been for me since
somewhere around > August to October of 1984.

I got that way by finding my way past the closed door in myself. Where I have become
aware as what's going on in the present day world, as far as I go.

Unknown if I am the only one OR where I live, is the only local area it goes on in.


It all started when I was somewhere between the ages of 1 - 3. Unknown how old for sure.
Because of that it has become questionable > whether or not life on planet Earth is a
genuine existence of us that are here.

For a long time I have wondered about the known history of the world we now live in.
(I suspect it's a fabrication of otherwhere origins)


Early on in life, things have been going on all around me, for some reason.
It amounts to different of I be. As in > you are not wanted to be.

Turns out the family I was living in was some-kind of "imprisonment/captivity",
is unlikely that it was the real thing otherwise as born-in would have it at.

There would be > what you could call > supernatural activity > going on because of
hostile actions of others my way. Supposedly defending myself.

This happened a number of times because of hostile intent my way from the family I'm in.
Our family history > was not in tact > as far as anscestors and descendants go.
There was no living on connection with other members > supposedly around as well.

Prior to having started school at the age of 5, half day in the morning, most occurences
were limited to in the house where I was living.

However after starting school > this is where out around started coming my way.
Most noticeably (now a days), it was the principal of the school behind things up front.
Mostly I was always being attacked by others around me in the school yard.
Quite frequently.

The outside origins of these things was freely venting its' self my way all the time.

This went on at that school up to the end of grade 4.
However I was limitedly lashing back by then. The principal stated I was getting too old
for him to continue with these things out my way.

These attacks on me were what went on up to the end of grade 4 since starting school and
back in the family area before starting school.
Ages 5 - 10 from start to finish there. Ages between 1 - 3 (somewhere in there) to 5 prior
to school starting in September back then, going to the family end of it.

All the while there would be whatever went on from the family I was in prior to school.
Then after school starting > what went on at school was in addition to what goes on
at home as well.

Mostly it all amounted to physical and verbal abuse, vented my way, from unknown
origins of the outside world around. (back at that time duration)

Grade 5 and 6 were at a different school. Ages 10 -12 for the duration.
This is where what-ever is going on took a turn to "god-stuff" being hashed around.
The physical and verbal abuse didn't really carry on from Grade 5 and on
mostly because I handled it at my end to a suitable extent.

Grade 5 is when outside of the school > grown-up people > came around, playing their
mind games, mainly with myself and another, at that time.

We came to call them "sayists" > nowadays known as similar to "men in black" in the U.S.
This is also where we came to know > time out of the here > as the not here.

The "not-here" is what I would call > out of the now.
As in > away from the present day world going on. Like it chronologically does.

There would be whatever activity going on between us kids and the grown-up sayists.
It amounts to putting it to each other > as we could.

Grades 7 - 8 were at yet another school and these things of "away from here" origins,
continue to go on. More along the lines of "god like" stuff being hashed around
than anything else like in grades 5 - 6.
Except for whatever hostilities between one another mixed in with as well.

Grades 9 - 11 now in highschool where this stuff continues along the lines of has done.
I was out of school in November of grade 11.
I was also out of school as of February in grade 10 but the outside origins of stuff
got me back into school instead. Like I didn't leave school afterall, afterwards.

That's as far as school goes.

Now it's the work-a-day world here-on.

Whatever jobs I got before I was 18, were all reversed by this "outside origins" about things.

However from 18 - 29 I was pretty-well in the work-a-day world.
These things of "outside origins" mixed in during this time as well.
Always the same as > away from the here > into the not here > back to the here after.

It was is 1984 when I was 29, somewhere between August to October, that I in the now,
started to become aware of these things going on.

Prior to then > there was a "closed door" in my psyche.

Since somewhere between August to October of 1983, I've been behind that closed door.
Still am behind that closed door > to this day > now February of 2010.

How I bust my way through that "closed door" in me, was by psyching myself to do so.
Which I got into more-so from the time I was 24 somewhere around the beinning of
November of 1979. This is when I moved to the big city nearby.

Took about 5 years from there to get myself of "proper" mind to get past the
"closed door" in myself.

I returned from the big city by the summer of 1983. Nowadays it looks like to me,
that they didn't want me there in the city. No doubt because of these things that go on
from "outside origins".

I've been plagued with these occurences from > supposedly 1955.
However I can only see myself back to somewhere between 1 - 3.
That's because of physical characteristics seeable as at that age.
Had teeth and walking about.

The above doesn't say too much about what-all went on with these "outside origins" of
things happening but it roughly summarizes it all.
Up until the end of grade 4, June of 1965 > it was pretty-well > physical and verbal abuse.
Frome September of 1965 until November of 1971 > these "outside origins" of what's (?)
happening > were in the "god like" sphere of things.
The word for it > now-a-days is > megalomania. (recently came across it, 2009)



This traversing from "the here" and "the not here" throughout the years, (1955(?))
seemingly to somewhere between 2001 to shortly before 2010, at the latest.
As far as I know it has been a few years since these things have happened,
but I cannot be absolutely sure of that.

I am still in the area of these things because I have yet to return to a normal state,
since having found my way > past the "closed door" in me.
However any occurences > since getting past the "closed door" >
have all gone the way of the "not here". (not in present day of going on)
No knowledge of it afterwards.

However > the telling of time > going on > seems to be uninterrupted.
The days, weeks, months and years > have gone on as you think they would.
(according to the now would have it at)

This makes the world of now "questionable" as far as out there is goes.

There has been "untold" amounts of time spent in the "not here".
Yet the now > shows no signs of it.
Supposedly locally but even when I was in the big city nearby.
(for around 5 years)

When all this stuff has gone on > everyone around appears to be "in the dark".
They act like "I" know what's going on.
Most of the time I have been over-ridden > during these happenings.
No doubt people around as well.

Going to break this post here and continue on later.
Should be this same day February 2 > just putting a break here.
To separate my writings.